I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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