yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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