I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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