I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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