I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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