i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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