This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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