i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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