I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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