HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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