perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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