he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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