I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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