then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize