best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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