There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize