apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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