she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
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Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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