So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I met the friendliest cop last night
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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