Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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