Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize