everyone is single if you try hard enough
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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