I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize