he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
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I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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