hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize