My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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