Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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