I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize