Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize