She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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