Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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