Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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