Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
