You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
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You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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