he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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