All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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