If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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