i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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