It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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