whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
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i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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