I am puke
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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