The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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