I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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