put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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I am available for nakedness
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
tell me about the eggs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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