Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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