The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize