i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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