is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize