I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize