I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize