I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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